The past couple months have been a little funky, and the past week in particular has been anxiety-inducing (more to come on that eventually). During my 10-minute instances of what I am currently calling “soft spiraling,” I find myself starting to stress cry and say aloud “I don’t know what to do” to an audience of zero in my room, but deep down I trust that I will be okay. This feeling shall pass.
For some reason, I remembered that I wrote myself a letter on my old blog, and I re-read it today. Apparently I was pretty wise in 2016 as a sophomore in college because a lot of what I said did happen and still holds true. So in this time of inner melodramatic turmoil, I am looking toward a brighter future. Manifesting it, if you will.
Dear Future Me,
The last few years have been full of change. Sometimes for the worse, sometimes for the better. But it’s been constant, and it will continue to be that way. As they say, you grow through what you go through, and there’s no limit on growth. I’m thinking your thirties are when you thrive, so here’s to hoping that’s true.
I hope that you are in a good place physically, socially, and mentally. I hope you have continued to develop your career and you have a healthy work/life balance or ~work/life harmony~ as they’re calling it now. I hope you hit your goal of visiting 30 countries by 30 years old. I hope you’ve cried more happy tears at your friends’ weddings. I hope you’ve gotten serious about strength training and don’t have to worry about not being able to lift your suitcase into the overhead bins on airplanes anymore. I hope you’re sleeping through the night. I hope you still have your zest for life and have found someone to share that with. I hope you’re on your phone less and use your hiking boots a little more. I hope you’re still only drinking alcohol when you want to, not when others want you to. I hope you’ve done things that intimidate you. I hope you give more energy to the best-case scenario.
I hope you’ve found a way to feel content. You don’t have to feel like you have it all together (how nice would that be though?), but I hope that you’re happy. I know there’s a restlessness that buzzes inside of you and you’re always striving toward something or searching for novelty. It’s part of what has gotten you this far and it’s woven into the fabric of your personality, but I hope you learn to prioritize rest and take time to just enjoy life. Lay in the sun (with sunscreen of course). Touch grass. You already know what makes you feel most alive, but what makes you feel at peace?
I hope you’ve learned to let yourself feel your feelings. It’s easier to be numb and be fine all the time and keep racing on, but emotions are what make you human. Keep journaling. On this blog, in your Notes app, anywhere. Figure out your needs and set boundaries. Communication has been your strong suit in work, so bring those skills into other areas of your life. Keep going to therapy. You’ll figure out why everyone says to do it.
Let yourself and the people in your life change. It’s okay to be nostalgic for your old relationships with them, but it’s not fair to expect them to stay the same. Don’t be afraid to let go of people who no longer serve you just because they’re familiar. You’ll find new friends who have similar interests and mindsets, you always do. Express gratitude to those who light you up, those who calm you down, those who challenge you, and those who are there for you without you asking them to be.
Deep breaths. Drink water. You are still the little engine that could.
Love always,
Laura
